super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
