True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
operation have a gay friend backfired
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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