And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
