Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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