I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
