You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
