I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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