Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
