he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
