how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
