so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
