everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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