Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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