OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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