meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
