the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
