remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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