lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
