So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
