Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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