We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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