she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
