Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
