she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
