your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
