and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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