worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Your cock deserves a montage
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
