I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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