You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We need a shit load of segways right now
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
