I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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