Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
