just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
