the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
