Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
