And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
