Non-Jews are for practice
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
