i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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