I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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