saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
BRING THE BAGELS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
