They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
