So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Couch. On fire.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
