if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
