Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
