whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
