Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
