your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
