There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
