im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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