He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
