I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
