You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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