just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am mentally ready for anal.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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