does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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